giovedì 12 giugno 2014

6.15 - Home study update

Mercoledi abbiamo fatto l'aggiornamento del nostro home study, pratica necessaria quando si e' in attesa da un anno. Niente di drammatico: ci siamo incontrati con la nostra counserlor in un "bar" qui a San Diego e abbiamo chiacchierato per 45 minuti :-).
[settimana prossima dobbiamo aggiornare anche le nostre visite mediche (stato di buona salute) e il test della tubercolosi]

Ci ha fatto un po' di domande su come va l'attesa, ci ha suggerito delle modifiche al nostro profilo per "ampliare le possibilita'". E cosi' abbiamo messo "yes" alla casella "bambini fino a 6 mesi" oltre a quella "neonati". Poi ci ha consigliato di prendere in considerazione anche la voce "assunzione di metanfetamine durante la gravidanza"... abbiamo detto che ci pensiamo... il discorso e' che mettendo "yes" a quella casella non necessariamente ci vengono proposti bambini di mamme che hanno assunto metanfetamine, ma la possibilita' di valutare caso per caso. Questa pero' e' una scelta personale, non so come andra' a finire....

E poi ci ha chiesto se vogliamo entrare nella lista Last Minute (per chi aspetta da piu' di un anno)... ovviamente si :-)
La lista e' valida a livello statale, nel nostro caso california piu' parte di arizona e nevada, in pratica posti raggiungibili nell'arco di poche ore tra macchina e aereo.
Funziona cosi: quando qualcuna decide last minute e viene notificata la nostra agenzia, la counselor addetta va in ospedale con il fasciolo dei profili delle famiglie che hanno le caratteristiche giuste (diciamo cosi) per quella situazione... e la birthmom sceglie, la counselor telefona e si ha mezzora per dire si/no. Nel caso del si, bisogna partire all'istante :-). Lei ci ha consigliato di tenere una valigia pronta....  io credo faro' una lista di cosa prendere, e magari preparo una bustina con dei vestiti neonato e la metto in garage a portata di mano.

AGGIORNAMENTO:
ho chiesto alle altre famiglie adottive se avevano esperienze al riguardo, ecco le risposte

"Our daughter was born positive for meth 9 yrs ago next Saturday. Sniff sniff She did not have withdrawls. She has minor learning disabilities, mostly speech stuff. Other than that she is just like any other kid."

"Our son is 10 mo and was exposed throughout the pregnancy. He is doing well! Remember that opening yourself up to Meth throughout the pregnancy just means that you are willing to talking about it. It took us a long time to open up to Meth but it seems like once a child gets through the withdrawals there are minimally documented effects. Glad we opened up!"

"Our daughter was exposed during pregnancy - a bit unclear how often or for how long. She is about to turn 2 and has shown no signs of any issues whatsoever. I was actually more concerned about the prescription anti-anxiety meds her birthmom was on for the last 2 mos of the pregnancy, which could cause speech delays. But again, no issues - our daughter is actually a bit advanced on the speech spectrum for her age."

"We do not believe our son was meth exposed in utero, but when he came to us at 6 months old he was addicted because he was living in a meth lab and meth absorbs through the skin. The problem is that meth is such a "new" drug that there is limited research on entire life effects. Most research out there deals with premature birth or deals with kids who were both meth exposed in utero and then grow up living in the chaotic and neglectful environment of primary caregivers abusing meth. Almost no research exists on children that were exposed, but then were spared from living in that environment. I will tell you that Ollie's withdrawal symptoms were hell. I actually took him to the er b/c I thought he was dying! It lasted for about 2 weeks. Now, he had other trauma and neglect during his first 6 months so its impossible to determine what might have been the meth, what is trauma, what is genetic, and what was just luck of the draw, but for what it's worth, here is what has shown up with him so far. He has a birth defect called laryngomalacia, he has a speech delay (he does sign well though and definitely understands language), he has problems soothing and being soothed when upset (that is one thing that has been documented with meth babies, but according to our doctor and the research I've read the kids eventually learn coping mechanisms around 3 or 4 years so its more of a delay than a never as long as they are removed from the meth environment), he was a terrible sleeper (however with the help of a behavioral sleep psychologist he is now a good sleeper), he has low facial tone (lots of drool, trouble swallowing, latching and sucking the bottle), he is also very small and we've struggled to get and keep weight on him and have thus been battling off a failure to thrive diagnosis, he had texture issues and other sensory issues. So, with all of that said, he is a sweet, loving, smart little boy and even if I had known all he would struggle with I would never have turned him down. He's already made so many gains it's amazing. A loving environment can't erase problems, but it can significantly change the way the present themselves and their future prognosis"

"Our youngest *may* have been exposed, which probably means that she was. The greatest issue that I learned we might deal with was over at birth, which is fetal demise in the womb and low birth weight. Alexis was full term, high apgars and tiny at birth, 4 lbs 14oz.; however, her birth mom is only 4'10" and her birthdad 5'4", so our pediatrician said her size might have been due to just "being tiny", hehe. The only issue he said to watch for was "challenges with self-soothing" - which hasn't been a big deal. Alexis is a bright, active but calm child, does well in school and is so easy to get along with. One of my favorite groups of medical studies involves children who are either exposed to chemicals in the womb (including drugs) or whose inherited predisposition to bipolar and other issues was known. The children raised in loving, prepared, functional, balanced homes had a significantly lower rate of developing the "predispositions" or "predictable" problems than those not raised in home that could be described in this way. Imagine that: If we respond to concerns, are "there" for our children, love them unconditionally, advocate for them, guide them along the way and provide a functional environment for success, they'll have a greater chance at success. No, this isn't always true -- but it was true enough for us to bank on. We're so glad we did!"

"Our youngest is only 6 months so time will tell but she was positive for meth at birth. She has been completely healthy so far. The NICU Dr's at my work suggested that the biggest risk to the fetus is getting to and through birth. Looking at their height, weight and head circumference is a good indicator of how much they had to sacrifice if not getting enough nutrients (the weigh being 1st sacrificied, height 2nd and brain 3rd). There are a few studies that suggest the children born positive but removed from the drug environment and placed in stable loving homes do well. Our daughter was 36 1/2 weeks (best guess since no prenatal care) was 6lbs,6oz and 19 inches long - same exact as our 5you when she was born and had full prenatal care and not exposed to meth (But was exposed to narcotics and marijuana and is doing great!). Neither of the girls had withdrawals which was lucky for them and us."

martedì 10 giugno 2014

6.14 - Tornati dall'Oregon

Siamo appena tornati dalla nostra quinta (se non sbaglio) visita in Oregon.
Questa e' stata la visita "della consapevolezza" direi, con D che a forza di racconti e di storybook ormai sa bene "da dove viene" [ancora non fa domande, non so quelle quando arriveranno... prob a breve].

Questa volta la birthmom non lavorava e quindi con lei abbiamo passato molto tempo, D e' stato molto contento e ci ha giocato tanto, pure lei era contenta ... e di conseguenza pure noi :-).
Considerando che D ci va molto cauto con le persone che non conosce (e lei l'ultima volta l'aveva vista a novembre per un paio d'ore), la connessione e' stata proprio speciale!
Il birthdad era impegnato con il lavoro e lo abbiamo visto poco.

Con il resto della birthfamily siamo andati a fare kayak (cioe' gli uomini, mentre noi donne siamo rimaste a terra), e D sembrava proprio "appartenesse" a quel posto... e' evidente che e' un bambino dell'Oregon, ce l'ha nel sangue :-)